Grumbling

I recently finished a book that I really enjoyed. It is called Seismic Shifts (Zondervan, 2005) and its author is Kevin Harney.

He talks in his book about grumbling.

What is grumbling? Grumbling is complaining. Grumbling is destructive not constructive. Grumbling hurts relationships. Grumbling is self-centered. Grumbling is what toddlers do when they don’t like something or don’t want to do something. Grumbling, sadly, is also a problem for adults – even adults in the church – even adults in Community Reformed Church. Grumbling is sin, at least that’s what Kevin stated, and after reading and listening, I concur.

So Kevin and his church have made a commitment to not allow grumbling within their church. If someone is struggling, they are encouraged to handle their struggle appropriately by saying what is constructive not destructive and by saying it to the right person (or people). One big problem with grumbling is we are attracted to it. Someone is complaining about something and we have this tendency to want to know. It is an attraction, a sick one, but an attraction nonetheless. When people are unhappy about something, we like to know what it is about and too often we give them space to make their complaints known to us. This is grumbling and it is sin. If they are speaking about someone to you who is not there, it is grumbling. If they are complaining about something but unwilling to talk with those who can do something about it, it is grumbling.

But here’s where I was really challenged. Kevin’s church isn’t satisfied to simply say it can’t happen. They go after those people who do it and confront the sin. They do the hard work of calling people to account when they grumble. Grumbling is not allowed in the culture of their church and they are willing to do the hard work of instilling and developing this value.

Let’s stop grumbling. Let’s not handle our struggles in an unhealthy and immature way. Let’s do the hard work of caring for each other enough to talk to those we have a struggle with. If you are unwilling to talk to the people involved in the area you are grumbling about, don’t talk to anyone. Or talk with God. Ask Him for help and direction in dealing with your struggle.

The fact is grumbling almost never helps the situation. Grumbling almost never takes care of your struggle. Grumbling almost always bring hurt and brokenness and unhealth to relationships. There is probably no less effective way of dealing with a struggle than grumbling. So let’s stop. Here are a few keys:

1) We need God’s help. Some of us are VERY attracted to grumbling.
2) When someone starts to complain, point them toward a person who can help.
3) When someone starts talking about someone else, point them toward that person NOT you.
4) Call grumbling what it is – sin.
5) Embrace the truth that health and growth in relationships comes from
hard work. It is never behind the back or judgmental; it is always face-to-face with a foundation of love.
6) This is who God calls you to be – an anti-grumbler.

In fact, we are called to be encouragers not grumblers.