Family

For better or for worse: family.

Here comes the holidays often means here comes the family.

I love my family. We are different. I love them in part because we are different. That includes the new family I acquired when Alisa and I merged paths. I may not have the same history, but we share Alisa and therefore we are bound together.

I am who I am today because of my family. I am who I am today because of the joys and struggles that I’ve experienced in my family. My Mom and Dad are obviously major players in who I am today. So is my sister. So are my grandparents who have all gone home. They’ve played a part in the formation of me. Qualities (both good and irritating) in me have been directly influenced by these important people in my life. (If you’re interested in finding out more about those irritating qualities, get to know me OR ask Alisa.)

And then there’s Alisa and John. I may have thought I had it figured out when I married. Now I know differently. I may have thought I was pretty well established before John came along, but now I know differently. I am a work in progress and a lot of that hard work has been done through marriage and parenting.

I cannot imagine who I would be today if you took these people out of my life – not much, I think.

Granted, no family is without brokenness and dysfunction. Surely, there are parts of our past family life we would like to change. We’ve been hurt by our family and I’m sure we’ve done some hurting ourselves. Some of that damage runs deep and maybe still hurts today. Some of that brokenness may continue to separate us from people in our families – some who may not be alive any longer. So I’m not here to say, naively, that we should gloss over and ignore what for some of you may be a great deal of pain and regret. But in spite of all that has taken place, they are still family, and God in His amazing way has taken the brokenness and helped us become who we are today. And isn’t it true that it is often through the brokenness that a lot of the formation takes place? For better or for worse: family.

Here are a few things I’m learning through these important relationships:

1. I’m called to love these people. How that looks is different for each one. But I know that I am called to pursue God’s direction in loving each of them.

2. Loving family can be one of the more challenging things to do. For some reason, the selfishness is much more prone to rear its ugly head with family. I am much more prone to expect them to meet my wants/needs. It is much easier for me to be a self-centered child with them than with anyone else. Lucky them, huh?

3. I’ve learned what love is through them. I’ve learned it through the “love me in spite of my brokenness” and the “love me in spite of my selfishness.” They’ve stuck by me. They’ve let me become who I am while helping me become who I ought to be. That’s a tricky balance to say the least, but they have played a huge role in allowing and encouraging me to become me.

4. They are an important part of my calling in life. As I grow in understanding the purpose of my life, they are a major focus of my purpose. God has placed me in their lives for a reason – to love and serve them as Christ has loved and served me.

5. They are one of the most amazing blessings God has given me. I am learning to be more thankful for the gift of my family. I am learning to be humbled by the gifts that I have in each of them. Though the time together with my family of origin (Mom, sister, etc.) has changed, they still are gifts I cannot take for granted. And as I live day in and day out with Alisa and John, I hope I will never see them as anything but the blessings they are. Yes, in the heat of the moment when anger or sadness or selfishness dominate my perceptions, I am not good at seeing the big and true picture, but I hope these are just anomalies on the more consistent recognition of the blessings I have in Alisa and John.

For some reason, the holidays help me (and maybe you, too) to see a little more clearly. Maybe it has a lot to do with the fact that when we focus our attention on Jesus Christ, we see much more clearly. We see that family can truly be one of the greatest blessings we experience in this world. It definitely has been for me. Let’s not forget to tell (and show) them the blessings they are to us.