Self-Righteous Prayer?

I am discouragingly amazed how quickly my mind can focus on how other people need to change. I am amazed at how judgmental and self-righteous I can be. I see this tendency in me to think, “If only he or she or they would . . . . . .” And really, the conclusion of that phrase tends to all fall into the same category. “If only they would be more like me.”

I couch all these unhealthy ponderings under the category of “I just want them to grow and enjoy life more.” My self-righteousness is hidden behind the veil of compassion and sympathy. It is not true compassion I feel. It is veiled self-righteousness. I am disheartened by how much time and emotional energy I can invest in thinking about how others needs to change, how they just don’t get it, or how frustrating it is for me to live with them. I move from self-righteousness to self-pity. What a sad progression.

So here I am investing all sorts of time and energy into thinking about another person(s) in unhealthy ways. I argue with them in my minds. I think poor thoughts about them. And it consumes my day. It consumes my thoughts and emotions. I cannot do anything else. I am hindered by these unhealthy emotions.

Satan wins. This is his goal. I succumb to sin too easily.

God is helping me to see this tendency, to confess, and to respond in helpful and healthy ways. He is calling me – He is calling you – to pray. Now be careful about this. That tendency to be self-righteous can filter its way into our prayer life as well. We don’t really pray for the person, but we pray that this person would change so it would be easier for me. That is not the prayer I am talking about.

First, do you believe that God loves everyone unconditionally? Do you believe He looks with compassion upon every person including those who you struggle with?

If your answer is ‘yes’, then it is clear we should love them too. Now I know that doesn’t change your heart, but it is an important place to start, because here you recognize that your heart needs to change. If God loves them, so can I. Regardless of what they've done (or not done), God not only calls us to love them, He gives us the love so we can. And what also happens is that if we are unable to love, meaning to long for them to experience God’s love, we begin to see our own part of the problem. Something about us is keeping us from this love. This is a tough place to arrive at because as much energy as you’ve devoted in judging and pointing out the faults of another, you begin to see that your faults are a significant barrier to loving as God does. Maybe it comes from jealousy or insecurity or maybe there is bitterness that has been harbored and allowed to fester, or maybe it goes back to some experience in your past that you’ve never addressed – whatever it is, it must be dealt with (by God) before God’s love can be found in your love towards this person.

Second, know that you are not alone in this struggle. Know that God promises to help you overcome whatever it is that is keeping you from loving this person. See the compassion and love God extends to you – IN SPITE OF YOU. If God can love me, He can love you.

Finally, pray. Instead of letting the mind take you down that path of judgmentalness or self-righteousness, pray for this person. Place them in God’s hands. Pray blessing upon them. Pray they would experience and know of God’s love for them. Pray that God would help them to see Him. Pray that God would help your heart be changed toward them. Confess your sin of judgmentalness, bitterness, anger, self-righteousness, etc.

For me it seems, that in those places like this that are hard, God is doing His most important work on me. It is hard work. I don’t like it. But I need it.

“As Jesus went ashore, he saw a great crowd; and he had compassion for them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd . . .” (Mark 6:34)

Selfish people were in that crowd. Self-righteous people were, too. People with unhealthy motives, people who doubted Jesus, people who just wanted to get something from Him. But Jesus responded with compassion not judgment, love not rebuke, and humility not pride. We’re in that crowd and so are those we struggle with. May we look upon all people in our lives with compassion, with an earnest desire for them to experience and know the love and compassion of Jesus Christ. May they see it and experience it in us.