I have it all together. Don't you?

I have it all together. Don’t you?

It’s true. I’ve got this life thing figured out. Even when difficult times come, I handle them. I keep the struggle to myself. I act like everything is OK. You don’t have to worry about me.

You may wonder how I do it. You may wonder how someone who claims to “need” Jesus has no need for anyone else. Well, I guess the truth is that I do need help, but I am not willing to run the risk of having you see me in a negative way. I’d rather you see the “fake” me than the “needy” me. The fake me has it all together and that is the person I want you to see – even though we both know it’s not true.

Part of the reason I may be this way is that is how I was raised. I grew up keeping my needs private. I grew up with the value of keeping the “stiff upper lip.” It may hurt, but you won’t see me cry. I may have needs, but I will not burden you with them. I’ll handle it. I’ll get by. It’s what you do.

It could also be because I’ve been hurt. I’ve opened myself up to others and shared my need only to have confidences broken and to be treated with pity not love. I’ve even had people reprimand me for not keeping it together. It’s not worth the hurt to admit the truth of my need. It’s much easier to let people see the fake me and distract myself with all sorts of activities so I don’t think much about it.

Where this gets a little dicey is in my family. I can’t put the fake me on with the kids. I may try for a while, but they know the truth. Same thing goes for my spouse. She knows the truth, although I’m pretty good at focusing on her faults in order to avoid confronting my own. She has her own set of issues, so I just think about how she needs to change. My family is in on the plan, though. They know how to act in public. They know what to say and not say to other people. They know how to look like everything is good and we are a family who has it together. Family issues are family issues and must be kept in the family. It is an important value I’ve instilled in my family.

Yep, I need Jesus, but that’s as far as I’m going to go in admitting any needs or weaknesses. And that’s why I am pretty silent when you ask me how you can pray for me. It is not near as hard expressing the needs of others and how you can pray for them, but admitting to you how I really need help and really need Jesus to intervene in my life, that’s a little too personal. I feel a little too vulnerable.

Plus, I have issues. I see things in me I don’t like – in fact, I even detest. I’m not proud of what I do at times or the things I allow in my mind. I can’t share that with you or anyone. What would you think? You would treat me different. There is too much internal shame already to run the risk of experiencing shame from you.

So I guess, no I know, I don’t have it all together. In fact, at times I feel like I’m falling apart. I know you are probably in the same boat. But I won’t admit it to you if you don’t admit it to me. Let’s make that pact and keep it. It’s easier that way.

Jesus says to Paul (and to us) in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10,

“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” (So Paul responds as we should) So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.

One of the most important phrases we say to God and to one another is “I need your help.” Because it’s true. I need your help.