Where's the joy?

I was at a t-ball game the other night. There’s nothing like it. The stage is set for a great deal of entertainment when a group of 4-6 year olds get together to play an organized game of baseball. I was amazed at how interested they were in the unique material that makes up a baseball diamond. Every inning, most of the kids in the field were entertaining themselves with some form of investigation or projection of this material. A lot of kicking up dust. A lot of scooping and throwing. A lot of wiping it all over their freshly washed uniforms.

Then you watch the adults. Some were very distracted by the dust kicking of their child. Some were fairly unaware and uninterested in the game, except when their Jonny/Jenny was up to bat. Some felt that their child’s chances in the majors were dependent upon their play that evening. Some just were entertained watching 4-6 year olds act like 4-6 year olds.

I was torn. I am competitive and want my son to do well. It is hard for me to be quiet and not want to give some instruction. I also want him to have fun. I don’t want activities like this to become pressure-filled to the point he loses the fun in an activity he enjoys. But at this point, my son is much more interested in hugging the first baseman than he is in getting his buddy out who happens to play for the other team.

One thing I did see tonight was pure joy. The joy of a 5 year old hitting the ball. The joy of a 6 year old finding the ball in her glove when a grounder with some pace is hit her way. The joy of a dugout full of excited kids who just enjoy the excitement of the dugout without any need to win, compete, or be better than anyone else. The joy just of running. One of the common occurrences following a t-ball game is when our team goes out after the game and runs around the bases. There is no purpose other than they like doing it together and they like to run. Joy.

That’s what I’m looking for. Joy.

I thought I’d find it by getting you to think of me in a way I want to be thought of. Nope.

I thought I’d find it by being smarter than most. Nope.

I thought I’d find it by being a better basketball player than you. That’s not doing it either.

All of these fall far short of what I expect them to offer. In fact, all of them leave me feeling greatly disappointed.

I’ve found people who think of me the way I want to be thought of, but I haven’t found joy – just distance and falseness.

What is smarter anyway? It’s not like I take IQ tests or anything like that. I just like knowing more than most in the field I’m in. But yet that still leaves me filled with lots of information but not joy.

And the basketball part just feeds my competitive nature which leads me to be a jerk more often. Not joy there either.

Somehow, kids get the joy thing better than me. I need to learn from them.

"Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it." Mark 10:15