Love in Conflict

Loving each other is not easy. It goes against our nature.

Some people are easier to love than others. But love is foundational to every relationship.

It is for Jesus.

Let me say again, relationships are hard. They just are. Our propensity toward selfishness makes this true. We are so prone to look out for ourselves and that keeps other people as pawns for our happiness and satisfaction. They exist for me. And that doesn’t work, does it?

One of the greatest barriers to relationships is our unwillingness to speak truth in love. Inevitably we are hurt by people. It is a given. We do it to others. They do it to us. We all experience this. We know this. But the way we respond is crucial and so often where we get off track.

Gossip, judgmentalness, denial, anger, blaming, and avoidance are all unhealthy and unproductive ways of responding when we are hurt. It doesn’t work. It doesn’t help. It breeds separation and brokenness in our relationships. But it is easy. It is the path of least resistance. So we often take it. It is a short term gain with long term losses.

The hard road is the road we have to take. It is the road of short term struggle with long term growth. It is the path of healing. It is the path of hope. It is the path of forgiveness. It is the path Christ walked. It is the path we are called to walk.

Too many of us are experiencing brokenness in our relationships because we are unwilling to walk His path.

If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. (Matthew 18:15)

This is the path of love. This is how we love each other.

The power of confession and forgiveness cannot be overemphasized. The freedom and hope that you and I have experienced in God’s forgiveness through Christ are the greatest testimony to the need to walk this path.

You are not loving someone if you follow the path of gossip, judgmentalness, denial, anger, blaming, and avoidance. It hurts you. It hurts the other person. It leads to further brokenness and separation in your relationship.

Trust God. He knows what He’s talking about. He’s not only told us, He’s shown us.

Plus, don’t you want to know? If you’ve hurt someone and they are struggling with that, don’t you want to know? Don’t you want to be able to apologize, to say you didn’t mean to hurt them? Don’t you want to confess and ask for forgiveness? It breaks my heart to know I’ve hurt someone and didn’t know it. Finding out later is so hard because you all of a sudden realize that this person has continued to experience that hurt that I’ve caused, but I didn’t know. I need to know. We need to know, so we can do and say what needs to be done and said so healing and restoration and growth can come in this relationship.

This is a non-negotiable in loving each other.

To avoid this path is to withhold love.