Keeping Your Word

Let your word be ‘Yes, Yes’ or ‘No, No’; anything more than this comes from the evil one. Matthew 5:37

The context for this verse is where Jesus tells us not to swear by anything. He is not talking about cursing. He is talking about the promises/commitments we make to each other. Jesus is saying there is no need to back up your promise by swearing by something – by God, by heaven, by earth, etc. In essence He is saying that we need to let our word stand on its own. When we say yes, we need to mean yes. When we say, ‘No’, we need to mean no. We act in honesty and integrity when we do what we said we’d do.

Integrity is not a word we often hear in relationship to the Christian faith. Most often this term describes a character trait. A person with integrity is a person who tells the truth and acts in appropriate, moral ways. We don’t lie or steal or cheat.

All of us would like to be described as a person of integrity, and if we don’t lie, steal, cheat, then we might define ourselves as a person of integrity. But I think there is so much more to this concept then what we often consider. To be a follower of Jesus is to be a person of integrity. You are not following Jesus if you are not acting with integrity. But it means so much more than not lying, cheating or stealing. It means in every aspect of our lives we act in integrity. One helpful definition is, “Doing what we said we’d do when we said we’d do it.”

I say to John, “I’ll play with you in a couple of minutes.” After twenty minutes go by and I am still not playing with John, I have an integrity gap. I’ve said one thing and not done it.

When I say to Alisa, “I’ll be home at 5:00pm” and then show up at 5:27, I have an integrity gap.

When I say to Alisa, I am committed to honoring you and being faithful to you, but then let my eyes wander on other women or think unclean thoughts, I have an integrity gap.

When I promise to do something for someone, but don’t follow through, I have an integrity gap.

When I say to a friend in need, “I’ll pray for you” and don’t, I have an integrity gap.

Sadly, today, we often accept these small integrity gaps as normative. We’ve learned to really not count on each other’s word. We’ve just accepted the reality that keeping your word means less than keeping your word. If you do it most of the time, well, that’s great – better than most.

But here’s where it get interesting. When I lack integrity in my life – even though it’s in the “small” things, more than likely I lack integrity in the things that matter most – specifically my relationship with Jesus Christ.

To claim to be a follower of Jesus Christ implicitly means a commitment to full obedience to His Word. God has shown Himself to be completely trustworthy in keeping His Word and He asks us to do the same. When I say I am a follower, I have committed to loving my enemies, making disciples, proclaiming Christ crucified, denying myself, meeting the needs of the least of these, etc. These are not optional requests; they are mandates. When I choose not to do them, I lack integrity in my relationship with God. All of us have integrity gaps, but that is not an excuse to continue to live with gaps in our integrity.

There is hope and growth offered to us in the midst of these gaps. It doesn’t change the expectation that God has that we live in integrity in relationship to Him, but it gives us an opportunity to grow into integrity and not let guilt and shame keep us from His Way of life.

Another helpful definition of integrity involves 4 important steps: 1) I keep my Word. 2) When I fail to keep my Word, I honor my Word by seeking to clean up any messes I’ve made – apologize, ask for forgiveness, etc. 3) I become present to the consequences on myself and others when I fail to keep my Word. 4) I re-promise to keep my Word.

So often our integrity gaps are ignored. We fail to follow through and keep our promise and we do nothing about it. We begin to see that we can get away with this and it becomes a normative way of being. We think being a person of integrity really only matters in the big things. But if we look at integrity through the expectations of Jesus, everything we do matters. Every gap in our integrity has negative consequences on us and the people around us.

One of the most powerful ways we truly live into the integrity God desires is when we are willing to do the hard work of honoring our Word. We promised something and we didn’t follow-through. If we are willing to admit this gap to ourselves, to God, and to the people affected, we have an opportunity to grow and to encourage the importance of integrity.

For example, John is not fully aware of my integrity gap when I say I’ll play with him in a few minutes and either it’s 20+ minutes or I don’t play with him at all. But he is learning something about me that I don’t want him to learn. “Dad says some things that can’t be trusted.” I’m aware of this gap, and I need to do the hard work of honoring my Word. When I say to John, I’ll play in a couple of minutes I need to follow through on my word. I ask him to follow through on his word and I ought to expect this of myself. So here is how the conversation needs to go for me to honor my Word.

“John, I need to apologize. There have been numerous times I’ve told you I’ll play with you in a few minutes. More than a few minutes go by. I’m sorry I didn’t do what I said I’d do. I want you to know that when I say I’ll play in a few minutes that you can believe that. I need to work on that and I am asking for your help. I’m making a promise to you again that when I say a few minutes, I mean it. Can you tell me how you feel when I say I’ll play with you and don’t do what I say?”

That took all of a minute to say this to my son, but it is some of the most important work I do in his life.

You’ve said some things to significant people in your life and are not following through. You’ve made promises, commitments, vows, and more than likely there are some gaps in your integrity. Are you willing to do the hard work of cleaning up the mess you’ve made?

Remember the church in Philadelphia in Revelation 3:7-13. One of the significant ways that this church was affirmed was because they kept God’s Word. They did what they promised to God. They lived in obedience. They trusted God’s Word to them, and in return they sought to keep their word to Him.

I can’t emphasize enough the significant work that God desires to do in each one of us – not only through our obedience – but also through our willingness to do the hard work when we are disobedient.

Where are you failing to keep your Word? Will you honor it? Will you do the hard work that honoring your word entails? Growth, healing, the abundant life that God promises is greatly hindered without a willingness to do this work. It is the work of grace and forgiveness and love.